stagnant

i turn, i try, i run
you say i’m not out of control
but i disagree
i say, i speak, i tell
the truth to everyone but myself
i’m over-protected
can you realize that?
the end is just the beginning
i believe this is our chance
i can't run again
i won’t leave you
i see you
can you see me too?

the scars we have are memories
they teach us what we've done
i won't forget to not-not remember
they’ve gone from me
all i want is you
the past is close
our future is here
if we wait til tomorrow,
she will never appear

you can use me
the fact that i love you
i want you to
i can’t tell you that
not yet, not now, not here
we’re conducive to one another
we can’t help that fear
you seal the gaps, the holes, the void
now it’ll never be stagnant
and i won’t run again
i’ll never leave you
i love you
can you love me too?

i’ve never been here before
not by my own choice i've found
you can hear me singing
with nothing but my voice around
but if we wait til tomorrow,
will you disappear?

shattered

it’s raining again – isn’t it always
strange how rain does something to me
something different – it fills me up
completes me in ways you never could see
to think i loved something so misgiving
trust is something earned and respected
i gave it to you like an award that you won
tossed out like second place - rejected
i’m the one and only lonely drifter
waking up everyday without my self-regard
and everything else i thought to strong to break
shattered pieces left so you could see me scarred
i found religion in so many of adam's words
something soothing, something cold and sad
something to remind me how much i enjoyed
months of letting you copulate with my head
it’s easy remembering you as my favorite sin
it was you who was left alone in the end
i can remember you looking at me with a grin
it was you who was left alone and broken in

will i ever...

will i ever find a way
to pursue this
will i ever find a way
to stop deteriorating into
the person that i am
that you'd avoid
i think i chased you away
with candy and cigarettes
while trying to interest you
in tissue that doesn't function,
a breeze is just a breeze
until it hits you and it's warm

will i ever find a way
to relive this
and will i ever find away
to chase away these ghost
that i've never gotten rid of
no matter how hard i tried
but you can't forget a face
no matter how much you hate it
if it always keeps you up at night
like merlot and coffee
and sometimes it turns you
in different ways

we are the sky

an almost ghostly moan
behind your tender breath
passionate and inviting
your mouth open in suspense
eyes closed waiting for my touch
finger tips brush the sweat across my back
nails biting the skin it crosses
as our stomachs move as one
your legs tightly around my hips
exhaling to each motion
my lips wet against your neck
never leaving your skin
moving to your mouth
deeply kissing as we move together
you whisper 'i love you'
i stare into your eyes, a sea of emeralds
your breath warm on my face
slowly gripping my hair
pulling me closer
we are the ocean
back arched, anticipating
we are the sky
your body trembles beneath me
we are everything between

prodigy

it happened again i'm alone
while the other watches
happiness in one hand
a new child in the other
calling me to let me know
asking me if i still feel alone
god i hate myself for not lying
but she could always read my voice
here i am writing another song
all about them, all about me
when they knock me off my throne
i never seem to be able to look up
but i guess that's the price
a broken heart for broken pride
i never thought i'd be that easy
i never thought i'd be this hard
how i wish this was the last one
i'll never write anything about them
never again, never ever again, no
but i can't stop the next one
i already know how much it'll hurt
i hate to say it but i already miss it

all by ear

i've got to rush away
i'm holding on to something here
you told me you loved me
does that mean i can hurt you
it's all i've ever known
my eyes have grown weak
i can't keep looking for the future
it's just so much quieter here

i say let's just play it all by ear
new york is still warm this time of year

just because no one's around
doesn't mean i'm all alone
i'm just thinkin bout why i cried
maybe i felt the same way yesterday
somehow i think you've known
you just couldn't reach out that far
or i was just too proud to reach back
but i've always wanted you here

and i say lets just play it all by ear
new york is still warm this time of year

everything changes
don't let go but don't hold back
everything changes
i'm so scared but i don't care
i hope we can play it all by ear
new york is still warm this time of year

serene

can i call you now?
are you waiting by the phone?
you know i want to
but are you alone?
i need to know - are you still there?
it's cold in here tonight
like that feeling of way too much...
too much of something i can't give up
what can i tell you?
i know that feeling all to well now
you are
so gentle, so cloy, so mean
you're so serene
but you hold that against me
because you know you can
rigid but flexible you move me
and i'll let you
do it again if you want too
i could bend without breaking
and no evidence that i did
if you asked me too
i could smile
but you hold that against me

an imaginary hero

sometimes it's too late to ask
is there a happy story in here
the heroes we're searching for
spend their time searching for us
but i want you to know who i am
remember all of those long talks
the snowy walks, lost sparks
on the playground after dark
everything was good enough
for both of us to want to stay
the songs i play for you so loud
i see everything we would've been
now the secrets you won't tell me
make you hate me, you hate me
you want me to be there for you?
would you just tell me who i am
so we can remove this cloak
and we can hate who i am together

we don't live here anymore

we don't live here anymore
it's now the way we live
secrets that we've known about
lies we aren't willing to admit
i'll say i hate you go get what i want
all you need is to feel loved
it doesn't matter who it is
you wonder how we'll get caught
you're guilt will sell us out
but they won't care
because happiness is willingness
to forget, to forgive, to never remember
even if it happens again
as long as we don't talk about it
it's the faces that keep us together
it's the love we think we have
that will get us through to the end

that summer

another summer weekend passes
do you feel the blushes come over you
i hope you can touch the moments im stuck inside of
reach out and grab ahold of this one
you could always feel the pulse beating back
is this supposed to last as long as i have
because i think i can hold on longer
if you think you'll come again soon
pull me in closer and tell me to stop
because i'll make sure nothing has lasted longer
do you want to hear everything i'm trying to scream
i really can't tell when you are listening
i could never figure your tolerance out
but i'm sure you're having your limit
then again i've never seen you move that way before

i opened my eyes

meet me at the bottom
it wasn't the most beautiful falling out
but i guess we'd have found out some how
good morning sun, good morning love
how does it feel to make all of those mistakes
you know, all of the ones that are easily forgotten
if i'm falling in love why didn't you tell me
it always make so much sense after it's gone
but i opened my eyes and i was still falling

yes, i thought it was my fault
do you really want me to believe it was
can i still touch your lips while you decide
if i try, be prepared to answer quickly
or i can give you time to stop and think about it
because at one time i thought i was falling in love with you
but if i am falling in love with you why don't you tell me
it always makes so much sense after it's gone
and when i opened my eyes i was still falling

so shall i

so it was what i expected
everything seems to float around me lately
because you make me feel bigger than is needed
so shall i bring with me all the mistakes that have created me
i still believe i can start over with this one
and so far it's what i've expected
bring on the back doors of my memories
i was going to let them come out eventually
but i want these to be the last chances i'm taking
because it's starting to become what i've expected
and nothing yet has molded inside me quite so well
the best part is when we come together
i can tell it will only get better from this view
and you and me we're gonna dance awhile
because i can see this being exactly what i expected

easy

stop and walk this way
watch this place fade away
never look back at these faces here

it won't always be easy
talk to me, make this easy
think i'm gonna walk a while
and make you realize that i'm not always going to be here
good-bye

my eyes can't take too much more of the cold
i fear that i'll like that i was here when i'm old
you know i don't want to be here forever

i'm holding on to you like a best friend
i'll be holding on to the past til the end
i can change this, i can change your mind
and nothings better than holding on to something that feels lost
good-bye

now you act like you aren't looking
but i can count too
lets re-live those days where you couldn't keep from screaming
passed out on the stairs
it always seems like i've gotten stronger when no one cares
but i do think i've made this easy

so will i

repeat those words to me again
these glasses won't stay empty
and I've lost track of what this is
this darkness is the brightest it's ever been
but if god will see you, so will i
it won't take long to recover from this
it's just a mindset and surroundings
I hope the tallest buildings can't get you over me
it's always a long drop from reality
i don't know how to live, my world's just breaking up
and comfort is getting to me
it's not as pure as it used to be
you know that when you can't touch your face
not without hoping someone touches you first
maybe I'm just hoping too much
maybe that's what you should have done

and you did

i hear you told him what we did
does he know where you kissed me
and where you put your lips, your tongue, your breath
how you didn't need another orientation
and the only resistance was demanding more attempts
does he know you gasped and told me you missed that feeling
that you pulled me in closer and asked for more
or that this didn't just happen once
does he know you told me you loved me with your eyes open
and that when i woke up in the morning you hadn't moved
your arm across my chest, you mouth on my neck
like you fell asleep kissing me... and you did

does he know where you are now?
does he know who you are now?

beneath you

this world you love is coming down
precious things will end you one day
and then they come back to haunt you
it isn't going to be easy but it is relaxing
don't expect too much sympathy from them
the angels, the demons, the dust
we never thought it would last anyway
you were the only one we couldn't bare to watch
when it finally comes crashing home
you'll have lost even the things you'd forgotten
and everything you took for granted
the loves, the lives, the memories were beneath you
and i'll miss watching you smile for no reason
in situations that have no cause for laughter
when it's been a curse to be you
but a blessing to remember
to feel the light slowly fade away
and the water disfigure itself for you
let me know if it was worth it
when you see me again
let me know that it made everything better
if you ever see me again.

tears and blemishes

i don't need your promises
i already planned to be unstoppable
when did you see this going south
i've been moving that direction for so long
some how i've only made it to savannah
you said you'd go with me if i fell
i guess that meant if you didn't make the push
i could say i miss you
i could talk about it first
i could dance around for a while
i could just get straight to the point

the only thing you gave me was a second chance
to start over, and with another idea of what i don't want
it was worth the time
it's been nice knowing you
but good-bye, i don't need a reply.

the last march

isabelle you left holding on to this crimson dress, i
can't remember living so hopelessly before
is that going to be the last time? i ask myself at night
hopelessly is how i describe the things i know
inevitable, you kissed me good-bye
it was the last time i saw you close the door

these memories have faded and left me blind
and i keep reaching to find something to feel
i just want to see you past all this pain i always find
unembraced inside of what's dead and real
the feeling of control lost in a slow rewind
and a potent scent of you still hovers near

you kissed me good-bye the last time i saw you
misleading and unconventional, this never gets dull
i could say i'd do anything to see you and i'd do
but i'd give up more to never have been sold
to never have seen that last morning move
to never have missed having you to hold

the shadow of my smile

you were so beautiful last night
i didn't want to let you stay
we weren't supposed to be this way
i think it's odd that we go on like this
do you still think i can walk on water
it started raining and you looked at me
you'll always think of me when it rains
at least i have that much on you
this morning could've lasted forever
i wish i could make you walk backwards
so i could pretend you were coming back to me
there was no fighting this time
just a stranger who gave up something he wanted
and a lover who isn't afraid to be alone
i noticed the tequila still in the shot glass
at least we had a good night
i just hope you don't regret it this time
i have to wonder is it waiting for me
or did you forget to finish before you left
well at least you thought you wanted it
and i'm left here all alone again
but you never say good-bye anymore
i could wait for you to come back
you could try it again
i'll wait quietly here with a tequila grin
hoping to see you walk away again

existance

yes, your things are gone
i already cleaned up all the precious pieces you left deep inside
except the ones you left with strategic placement
in the tiniest caverns that you knew i didn't know existed
and some how you know i'll find them
when i truly don't love you anymore
just to remind me that you ended it yet still expect it to happen again
because sometimes it's better to live without it
does he kiss the way you like to kiss
you never got comfortable with me
do you still sweat afterwards, do you come together
be careful how you answer because you told me he doesn't exist
and then dropped these pieces before you left
i think you forgot to stop loving me
or am i the one who doesn't exist
i guess your things were never here at all.