these ropes i hang from

stagnant

2007-12-05T16:07:00.001-06:00

i turn, i try, i run
you say i’m not out of control
but i disagree
i say, i speak, i tell
the truth to everyone but myself
i’m over-protected
can you realize that?
the end is just the beginning
i believe this is our chance
i can't run again
i won’t leave you
i see you
can you see me too?

the scars we have are memories
they teach us what we've done
i won't forget to not-not remember
they’ve gone from me
all i want is you
the past is close
our future is here
if we wait til tomorrow,
she will never appear

you can use me
the fact that i love you
i want you to
i can’t tell you that
not yet, not now, not here
we’re conducive to one another
we can’t help that fear
you seal the gaps, the holes, the void
now it’ll never be stagnant
and i won’t run again
i’ll never leave you
i love you
can you love me too?

i’ve never been here before
not by my own choice i've found
you can hear me singing
with nothing but my voice around
but if we wait til tomorrow,
will you disappear?

shattered

2007-12-05T16:05:00.000-06:00

it’s raining again – isn’t it always
strange how rain does something to me
something different – it fills me up
completes me in ways you never could see
to think i loved something so misgiving
trust is something earned and respected
i gave it to you like an award that you won
tossed out like second place - rejected
i’m the one and only lonely drifter
waking up everyday without my self-regard
and everything else i thought to strong to break
shattered pieces left so you could see me scarred
i found religion in so many of adam's words
something soothing, something cold and sad
something to remind me how much i enjoyed
months of letting you copulate with my head
it’s easy remembering you as my favorite sin
it was you who was left alone in the end
i can remember you looking at me with a grin
it was you who was left alone and broken in

will i ever...

2007-12-05T16:03:00.000-06:00

will i ever find a way
to pursue this
will i ever find a way
to stop deteriorating into
the person that i am
that you'd avoid
i think i chased you away
with candy and cigarettes
while trying to interest you
in tissue that doesn't function,
a breeze is just a breeze
until it hits you and it's warm

will i ever find a way
to relive this
and will i ever find away
to chase away these ghost
that i've never gotten rid of
no matter how hard i tried
but you can't forget a face
no matter how much you hate it
if it always keeps you up at night
like merlot and coffee
and sometimes it turns you
in different ways

we are the sky

2007-12-05T16:02:00.001-06:00

an almost ghostly moan
behind your tender breath
passionate and inviting
your mouth open in suspense
eyes closed waiting for my touch
finger tips brush the sweat across my back
nails biting the skin it crosses
as our stomachs move as one
your legs tightly around my hips
exhaling to each motion
my lips wet against your neck
never leaving your skin
moving to your mouth
deeply kissing as we move together
you whisper 'i love you'
i stare into your eyes, a sea of emeralds
your breath warm on my face
slowly gripping my hair
pulling me closer
we are the ocean
back arched, anticipating
we are the sky
your body trembles beneath me
we are everything between

prodigy

2007-12-05T16:00:00.000-06:00

it happened again i'm alone
while the other watches
happiness in one hand
a new child in the other
calling me to let me know
asking me if i still feel alone
god i hate myself for not lying
but she could always read my voice
here i am writing another song
all about them, all about me
when they knock me off my throne
i never seem to be able to look up
but i guess that's the price
a broken heart for broken pride
i never thought i'd be that easy
i never thought i'd be this hard
how i wish this was the last one
i'll never write anything about them
never again, never ever again, no
but i can't stop the next one
i already know how much it'll hurt
i hate to say it but i already miss it

all by ear

2007-12-05T15:52:00.000-06:00

i've got to rush away
i'm holding on to something here
you told me you loved me
does that mean i can hurt you
it's all i've ever known
my eyes have grown weak
i can't keep looking for the future
it's just so much quieter here

i say let's just play it all by ear
new york is still warm this time of year

just because no one's around
doesn't mean i'm all alone
i'm just thinkin bout why i cried
maybe i felt the same way yesterday
somehow i think you've known
you just couldn't reach out that far
or i was just too proud to reach back
but i've always wanted you here

and i say lets just play it all by ear
new york is still warm this time of year

everything changes
don't let go but don't hold back
everything changes
i'm so scared but i don't care
i hope we can play it all by ear
new york is still warm this time of year

serene

2007-12-05T11:23:00.001-06:00

can i call you now?
are you waiting by the phone?
you know i want to
but are you alone?
i need to know - are you still there?
it's cold in here tonight
like that feeling of way too much...
too much of something i can't give up
what can i tell you?
i know that feeling all to well now
it's you
so gentle, so cloy, so mean
you're so serene
but you hold that against me
because you know you can
rigid but flexible you move me
and i'll let you
do it again if you want too
i could bend without breaking
and no evidence that i did
if you asked me too
i could smile
but you'd hold that against me

an imaginary hero

2007-11-26T22:10:00.000-06:00

sometimes it's too late to ask
is there a happy story in here
the heroes we're searching for
spend their time searching for us
but i want you to know who i am
remember all of those long talks
the snowy walks, lost sparks
on the playground after dark
everything was good enough
for both of us to want to stay
the songs i play for you so loud
i see everything we would've been
now the secrets you won't tell me
make you hate me, you hate me
you want me to be there for you?
would you just tell me who i am
so we can remove this cloak
and we can hate who i am together

we don't live here anymore

2007-11-26T22:07:00.001-06:00

we don't live here anymore
it's now the way we live
secrets that we've known about
lies we aren't willing to admit
i'll say i hate you go get what i want
all you need is to feel loved
it doesn't matter who it is
you wonder how we'll get caught
you're guilt will sell us out
but they won't care
because happiness is willingness
to forget, to forgive, to never remember
even if it happens again
as long as we don't talk about it
it's the faces that keep us together
it's the love we think we have
that will get us through to the end

that summer

2007-11-26T22:02:00.000-06:00

another summer weekend passes
do you feel the blushes come over you
i hope you can touch the moments im stuck inside of
reach out and grab ahold of this one
you could always feel the pulse beating back
is this supposed to last as long as i have
because i think i can hold on longer
if you think you'll come again soon
pull me in closer and tell me to stop
because i'll make sure nothing has lasted longer
do you want to hear everything i'm trying to scream
i really can't tell when you are listening
i could never figure your tolerance out
but i'm sure you're having your limit
then again i've never seen you move that way before

i opened my eyes

2007-11-26T22:00:00.002-06:00

meet me at the bottom
it wasn't the most beautiful falling out
but i guess we'd have found out some how
good morning sun, good morning love
how does it feel to make all of those mistakes
you know, all of the ones that are easily forgotten
if i'm falling in love why didn't you tell me
it always make so much sense after it's gone
but i opened my eyes and i was still falling

yes, i thought it was my fault
do you really want me to believe it was
can i still touch your lips while you decide
if i try, be prepared to answer quickly
or i can give you time to stop and think about it
because at one time i thought i was falling in love with you
but if i am falling in love with you why don't you tell me
it always makes so much sense after it's gone
and when i opened my eyes i was still falling

so shall i

2007-11-26T22:00:00.001-06:00

so it was what i expected
everything seems to float around me lately
because you make me feel bigger than is needed
so shall i bring with me all the mistakes that have created me
i still believe i can start over with this one
and so far it's what i've expected
bring on the back doors of my memories
i was going to let them come out eventually
but i want these to be the last chances i'm taking
because it's starting to become what i've expected
and nothing yet has molded inside me quite so well
the best part is when we come together
i can tell it will only get better from this view
and you and me we're gonna dance awhile
because i can see this being exactly what i expected

easy

2007-11-26T21:57:00.001-06:00

stop and walk this way
watch this place fade away
never look back at these faces here

it won't always be easy
talk to me, make this easy
think i'm gonna walk a while
and make you realize that i'm not always going to be here
good-bye

my eyes can't take too much more of the cold
i fear that i'll like that i was here when i'm old
you know i don't want to be here forever

i'm holding on to you like a best friend
i'll be holding on to the past til the end
i can change this, i can change your mind
and nothings better than holding on to something that feels lost
good-bye

now you act like you aren't looking
but i can count too
lets re-live those days where you couldn't keep from screaming
passed out on the stairs
it always seems like i've gotten stronger when no one cares
but i do think i've made this easy

so will i

2007-11-26T21:52:00.000-06:00

repeat those words to me again
these glasses won't stay empty
and I've lost track of what this is
this darkness is the brightest it's ever been
but if god will see you, so will i
it won't take long to recover from this
it's just a mindset and surroundings
I hope the tallest buildings can't get you over me
it's always a long drop from reality
i don't know how to live, my world's just breaking up
and comfort is getting to me
it's not as pure as it used to be
you know that when you can't touch your face
not without hoping someone touches you first
maybe I'm just hoping too much
maybe that's what you should have done

and you did

2007-11-26T21:48:00.001-06:00

i hear you told him what we did
does he know where you kissed me
and where you put your lips, your tongue, your breath
how you didn't need another orientation
and the only resistance was demanding more attempts
does he know you gasped and told me you missed that feeling
that you pulled me in closer and asked for more
or that this didn't just happen once
does he know you told me you loved me with your eyes open
and that when i woke up in the morning you hadn't moved
your arm across my chest, you mouth on my neck
like you fell asleep kissing me... and you did

does he know where you are now?
does he know who you are now?

beneath you

2007-11-26T21:38:00.000-06:00

this world you love is coming down
precious things will end you one day
and then they come back to haunt you
it isn't going to be easy but it is relaxing
don't expect too much sympathy from them
the angels, the demons, the dust
we never thought it would last anyway
you were the only one we couldn't bare to watch
when it finally comes crashing home
you'll have lost even the things you'd forgotten
and everything you took for granted
the loves, the lives, the memories were beneath you
and i'll miss watching you smile for no reason
in situations that have no cause for laughter
when it's been a curse to be you
but a blessing to remember
to feel the light slowly fade away
and the water disfigure itself for you
let me know if it was worth it
when you see me again
let me know that it made everything better
if you ever see me again.

tears and blemishes

2007-11-26T21:30:00.000-06:00

i don't need your promises
i already planned to be unstoppable
when did you see this going south
i've been moving that direction for so long
some how i've only made it to savannah
you said you'd go with me if i fell
i guess that meant if you didn't make the push
i could say i miss you
i could talk about it first
i could dance around for a while
i could just get straight to the point

the only thing you gave me was a second chance
to start over, and with another idea of what i don't want
it was worth the time
it's been nice knowing you
but good-bye, i don't need a reply.

the last march

2007-11-26T21:29:00.000-06:00

isabelle you left holding on to this crimson dress, i
can't remember living so hopelessly before
is that going to be the last time? i ask myself at night
hopelessly is how i describe the things i know
inevitable, you kissed me good-bye
it was the last time i saw you close the door

these memories have faded and left me blind
and i keep reaching to find something to feel
i just want to see you past all this pain i always find
unembraced inside of what's dead and real
the feeling of control lost in a slow rewind
and a potent scent of you still hovers near

you kissed me good-bye the last time i saw you
misleading and unconventional, this never gets dull
i could say i'd do anything to see you and i'd do
but i'd give up more to never have been sold
to never have seen that last morning move
to never have missed having you to hold

the shadow of my smile

2007-11-26T21:28:00.000-06:00

you were so beautiful last night
i didn't want to let you stay
we weren't supposed to be this way
i think it's odd that we go on like this
do you still think i can walk on water
it started raining and you looked at me
you'll always think of me when it rains
at least i have that much on you
this morning could've lasted forever
i wish i could make you walk backwards
so i could pretend you were coming back to me
there was no fighting this time
just a stranger who gave up something he wanted
and a lover who isn't afraid to be alone
i noticed the tequila still in the shot glass
at least we had a good night
i just hope you don't regret it this time
i have to wonder is it waiting for me
or did you forget to finish before you left
well at least you thought you wanted it
and i'm left here all alone again
but you never say good-bye anymore
i could wait for you to come back
you could try it again
i'll wait quietly here with a tequila grin
hoping to see you walk away again

existance

2007-11-26T21:27:00.002-06:00

yes, your things are gone
i already cleaned up all the precious pieces you left deep inside
except the ones you left with strategic placement
in the tiniest caverns that you knew i didn't know existed
and some how you know i'll find them
when i truly don't love you anymore
just to remind me that you ended it yet still expect it to happen again
because sometimes it's better to live without it
does he kiss the way you like to kiss
you never got comfortable with me
do you still sweat afterwards, do you come together
be careful how you answer because you told me he doesn't exist
and then dropped these pieces before you left
i think you forgot to stop loving me
or am i the one who doesn't exist
i guess your things were never here at all.

isolated

2007-11-13T10:02:00.000-06:00

compose the clouds that guide me, you’ve always had that much control
quiet nights when you were beside me, disappearing with every waking hour
blood shot eyes where i’ve tried to hold them back, but warm tears solicit the past
i keep asking why, but without resolve and speaking used to be so easy
are you watching me struggle, it's hopeless but the tenacious proceed
it wasn’t supposed to be ideal but i’m still isolated with the emptiness i feel
continuously wondering why, feeding on the curiousness of the choices
you’ve made without detail, you’ve made without reason, you’ve made me believe are real
is it ok to tremble, weep, and tear – with the silence of the storms that I know are there
the rain that i’m giving you doesn’t care to end, and it’s that which guides me now

without you

2007-11-12T18:10:00.000-06:00

it's repetition just keeps me here
i'm guessing i lost you sometime last year
there is a weakness that i hold true
that empty feeling i get without you
you could have walked through the night
but you stopped and asked if this was right
and anger clouds every direction of view
except that empty feeling i get without you

so you’ll always be mine
my angel with brown eyes
perfection from white lies
and you’ll always be mine

you've complicated what i know
i'll stop this nightmare before i go
she has that smell of just made and new
like this empty feeling i get without you
could all this actually get to me
like running out of breath inside the sea
or this weakness i still hold true
yes that empty feeling i get without you

so you’ll always be mine
my angel with brown eyes
perfection from white lies
and you’ll always be mine

you'll always be mine...

dark eyes

2007-11-12T18:08:00.000-06:00

i'm alone again, 1:30 in the morning
restless, listless - whispers screaming in my head
you want to get close to me
tell me you love me
say that you want me
don't say a fucking thing
keep your hands away from my face
your skin doesn't deserve mine
i'm not who you want me to be
i'm so much more than you
why can't we get out of this
this hole, this emptiness, this heartache
you want me to let you come crawling back?
say "hey, baby don't worry about a thing"
i won't say a fucking word
i can't stand hearing you breathe
back away from me
i can't sleep when you're with me
you keep reaching for me, just stop
how can you look at me?
dark eyes, staring back into nothing
i don't want you near me
don't you fucking touch me
i'm already alone again

your breath

2007-11-12T18:07:00.000-06:00

i always hear my name
i just wish you'd call me something else
everyone says it never would've happened
but i hope that isn't true
three more tuesdays, two after today
no one knows the things i'm willing to do
just for the chance to steal your breath
to have a day spent an inch from your lips
everything i'd do, to have the taste of you
on my tongue while i'm driving away forever
so many have called me dramatic
aren't i always, it's about you
the people you are, the person you're not
and all the places i've found you
i wonder if you believe the things i tell you
would you believe what i want to say
tonight i'll be yours if you ask me
i'll do my best to take your breath away

whispers defiance and ghosts

2007-11-12T18:04:00.000-06:00

"please don't let me love you
i don't want to feel you anymore"
she said looking at me smiling
her hands reaching for the door
her words turned into whispers
suffering smothered in her tone
it once was a voice of defiance
now trembles at being alone
i'll just sit at my piano singing
songs that comfort her shade
repeating her name in echos
while i feel the memories fade
layers fall away from nothing
a specter, a spirit, or a ghost
i'll disappear, no one'll find me
exactly what i feared the most

to startle god

2007-11-12T18:01:00.001-06:00

collapsing, my knees have felt this before
all my weight and gravity are nothing equal to what the sight of you does
how you’ve made me cling to the ground, i’ll never know
but to startle god with screams that make thunder envious
if only breath would obey me, i need completion
anything but the heavy fulfillment of this empty core
but my breath strays at sudden sight
a sympathetic decision to hoard skin, tissue, and voice
i can’t exhale without tasting the chard ashes of words that should weather your soul
and i won’t, a breath saved for life is worth more than the death you’ve left to my memory

they are about you

2007-11-12T17:58:00.000-06:00

i've been dying inside since the day you left
just to scream 'i love you' with every ounce of air
the memories of you are so draining
i can't even remember what you called me
and these songs you were always afraid of being about you
(they are about you)
all start to come to life
you animated these images
of something you didn't want to become
but i love you still trickles off my tongue
to these fantasies that just fade away
and now ghosts just linger behind me
while i'm chasing the one i want them to be
understand that i miss you
but every picture has disappeared
except for the backgrounds where we stood

ten days in august

2007-11-12T17:54:00.000-06:00

meet me at gate thirteen
waiting while everything is still
before you land, before you see me
i want to breathe you in
and i wonder what you're expecting
let's just make the most of this time
ten days in august
and i'm not going to hold back
i want to experience you while you're here
but the rest is up to you
do you want to see where my footsteps lead
i can take you where you want to go

when you sing along with me
do you understand what i'm saying
and i promise not to stop 'til you say
"the only thing i want to ask of you
tell me how to feel this way forever,
i want to feel this way forever"

where will we go
will this become stronger than both of us
will this continue after the last night
please say my name
i want to hear it echo down the hall
are there impulses i should fight
am i breaking through
i know where i want us to be
now your eyes seem to hold on to me
i can barely move
you have everything in your hands
and i'll let you take control of me

so much more than this

2007-11-12T17:48:00.000-06:00

i've said my goodbyes now
tomorrow you'll miss me
i know i'll be better off some how
she's better off lonely
i've convinced my conscience
she understands why i have to go
she whispers, "i love you"
"don't leave me along here"
"i wanted you so much more than this"
she's crying softly now
her eyes are so swollen
i never thought i could say goodbye
she'll squeeze my hand quietly
try to kiss me slowly
"i know i'll never get over you"
"i fell softly this time"
"truly got to know you"
"i wanted you so much more than this"

say it without breathing

2007-11-12T17:40:00.000-06:00

walking over to see you
i know that you missed me
but nothing is clear
except the letters you sent me
encouraging resentment
i wanted you here
and nothing is certain
you have your own reasons
everyone loves you there
you can touch me whenever
cause my love is forever
you loved me for that
my breathing is heavy
your skin is enticing
it feels so good when your loved
but nothing is certain
you have your own reasons
everyone loves you there

and i can say it without breathing
how long until you see me
i need you again
but can i say it without leaving
it's cold when i'm sleeping
i need you again

will you come over
even though it's not clear
the clouds are breaking again
and i can see our stars again
remember the night
the trampoline, the talk
i wanted you there
i know there are reasons
everyone loved you there
but not as much as me
is it true that you've moved on
or are you just pretending
i can't stop from breathing
no matter how hard i try
will you come over
i need you one last time
you have your own reasons
everyone loves you there

reverence and compassion

2007-11-12T17:35:00.000-06:00

i can't stop shaking, i never get nervous
you bring out the worst in me
stop trying to touch my face
this isn't going to happen this time
i can smell everything i hate about you
still you don't know what it takes
for me to look at you and still say no
then to find it in me to just walk away
like lost letters to someone you love
still sitting by your bedside
unsent but not forgotten, love is tragic
i'm not coming back to you
my lies ring true every morning
stop trying to touch my fucking face
the pleasures you don't deserve
will always be just out of reach
reinacting the night you told me
a wooden swing, some yellow thing
my voice becomes a whisper
like screams at low volume
or friends who don't call you
remove the dark red stains
trust me i'm holding back
you aren't getting inside me this time
the look on your face is desparate
the trembling of your voice
that i can hear in stereo
these questions i won't answer
are not saying i'm afraid
it's reverence and compassion
that i'm not saying the way i feel
sometimes you bring out the best in me
but now you don't come to mind
you still don't come to mind

please christina

2007-11-12T17:32:00.000-06:00

please christina,

how will you remember me
you asked too many times
i gave you your request
now you've disappeared
you want me to remain
maybe down the road, maybe
but how will you remember
the things we've gone through

please christina,

don't call me anymore, today
the more we push each other
the further away we are
where are you now?
i still can't hear you
and i'm left here alone
with this pink stain
open wide here i come

please christina,
think about me today
and how it feels to love you
please christina,
think about me tomorrow
and remember me this way
good-bye christina,
think about me tonight
and how it feels to miss you

lovers and friends

2007-11-12T17:25:00.000-06:00

there was a moment when i found out
this town isn’t where i want to be
it is almost new years eve
and you still aren’t here with me
somewhere far away i can see
this place where my dreams are replaced
i’ll find you there one day
holding on to the last sunday i can remember
i finally know i can’t be there
even after everything i’ve seen
i’m still working on not trying to go there again
with all i’ve conceived i still believe
i’ll find what it takes to not love you anymore
i was too weak to not let you leave
now i’m not strong enough to make it alone
with all of these shades of grey
between lovers and friends
your means to an end
i’ve been looking through your eyes
and you don’t see me anymore
but it’s not me I want to see
i wanted to know do you still love me

like you and me

2007-11-12T17:24:00.000-06:00

my dreams tell me i'm no one you know
but i see i've got somewhere to go
and i need so much more than i show
like you and me
i've been replaying words that you've said
while we're lying together in bed
they give me more than i have ever had
like you and me
i'll be so scared when your beautiful
i'll be something you'll never let go
you want the things that are magical
like you and me
sometimes kissing is something you win
sometimes i don't know where to begin
and our mouths are so dry from breathing in

i'm letting it go

2007-11-12T17:18:00.000-06:00

i'm letting it go
this time you can tear it apart
i'm not holding you back
tomorrow you'll want me here
tomorrow you'll come with me
so i'm letting it go
your self-made, self-righteous
self-conscious, self... proclamation
can't hold it together anymore
not much longer, i'm not much stronger
i'm letting it go
because i know where this is going
i'll kiss you goodnight again
you'll wish i would die again
you can't hold on to me forever
so i'm letting you go
'til tomorrow you come again
hold on to me like you never did
but you can't fake this hard enough
to make me believe it's ok
i'm letting it go
i just can't fake it for you this time
floating away above me
i can't hear you - i'm not quite listening
but you're so beautiful, by yourself
i'm letting you go

i give up

2007-11-12T17:16:00.000-06:00

i give up
put me where you want me
we all fall into a line somewhere
i love the shame in your eyes
every time you get your way
how can something so beautiful
still be so dangerous
i want to feel you scream
try to fill this empty room
broken picture frames
a shattered vase
take in all of me
i want that look on your face
i hear you in my dreams
telling me how you want me to be
asking me to come back
and be the way you wish i was
but i won't give in

you were happy

2007-11-12T17:08:00.000-06:00

i can’t stand how you close your eyes
like you don’t want to put them on me
the door knob turns and so do you
i can hear you mumble i hate you

this was over long ago, trust me
you can’t imagine how hard it is
pretending like you love someone
just so they are happy – you were happy

the game has gone on too long
my throat bleeds from all the yelling
broken knuckles, broken fingers
there are just too many holes in my wall

i can’t throw anything else out my window
all i have left is you – don’t look at me
don’t tell me that you cared about me
i was just taking someone’s place

i can’t hear you say you’re sorry anymore
sounds like you’re talking under your breath
i can’t scream at you anymore – only whispers
so quiet so faint you can’t hear them

just like the beating of my heart

formulated - not content

2007-11-12T17:06:00.000-06:00

watch me as a turn the other cheek
and look the other way
trying to be the better person again
but this time i'm only doing it out of spite
to see how much it will hurt you
how does my cheek look today
i wore these jeans for you
you can't see me but i'm laughing
yet you're letting me hear you cry
the cheek has turned and the bridge is burned
you're just another one in the books
another lessoned learned

well your not forbidden
and i'm not ashamed
you're so tired of being alone
but who's to blame
i listened to you talk of your dreams
a rhapsody filled with romance
nothing but a fallacy you conjured up
because i was too stupid to understand
how do you like me now
educated, formulated, a little less dedicated
and realizing you were only second best
i guess i'll let you figure out the rest

float on

2007-11-12T17:04:00.000-06:00

float on baby, float on - i’ve been trying to catch up
lately i just see myself falling over and over again
between sleepless nights and restless days, i’m in there
do you feel me sliding in and out of your world?
i’m trying to find my way into this angel town
everyone knows i don’t belong around there
but i’ll take fourteen hours next to you any day
i can stay forever in the places you’ve been
and i’ll take them a hundred times all over again
the way you always look down at me
makes me love the way you look from down here
saturday night next to a fire we can’t light
sunday morning sleeping in way too late
i can only promise to be these things in the end
i can wait a year for you; i know some things are worth it
will you still be entwined in me, as crazy as can be?
i just want to make sure i get enough of you now
you can trust me with all that you know
the best is yet to come in this one, i promise you
give me those eight months to be something better
next year will prove to better than the last

exhale

2007-11-12T16:46:00.000-06:00

already taken more than i need
another beautiful slap in the face
do you still want to say goodbye tonight
watching you getting more comfortable
with every step you chase away from me
it came to me then, as you turned around one more time
you love me in pursuit
you love me when you don’t care
and i love how you don’t care at all
this tuesday will drag on all year
with the plans i have of coming back
i keep watching you resisting an exhale
you don’t know how to fall in love without a fight
but you want to fall in love tonight

copacetic

2007-11-12T16:33:00.000-06:00

sometimes rain falls much slower
when your sleeping
she knows i'm not watching her
like i used to
hey baby you should show me what to do
it's a revalation of the songs that
i used to sing to you
and i'll remember how hard you try,
but how little we do.
i noticed that i don't amuse you
as much as i'd like to
i wonder if you can still see me
in the picture
baby we could live better than kings usually do
but you'd never love me if i could
give you all you need
and what would we do to argue,
or do with your greed?
so it's easy to love me
and i'm hard to leave
no you're not amusing
so i'm not what you need
and baby i know exactly what we need to do
follow what it seems to be
that's how it seems to me
so i'm not what you need
just kiss me before you leave

chapter 3

2007-11-12T16:30:00.000-06:00

when i first listened to clouds
i thought i heard songs about you
i wanted to paint a thousand pictures
of you and the way you smile
i wanted to play a thousand scenes
of your thoughts and my dreams
but i just listen to the songs in the dark
outlines of you dancing in front of me
but i'm not afraid anymore, i'm at ease
since most of my days are spent alone
and i know i've had you next to me
these summers are closing, so is this chapter
of my life and the friends i've made
i've been waiting a long time for this
just to move on and some how past you
now i realize that i'll always miss you
the world is full of fallen angels
i hope someone's there to catch you
it'll hurt if you're alone
and i won't be around to hear it

2007-11-12T16:24:00.001-06:00

it's been so long
since i held onto
something i believe in
could she be her
i couldn't see her
until it was too late, again
red ruffled covers
four putative lovers
but i have found someone
bright blue eyes
such long good-byes
still i am the lonely one
my shaking hands
these broken plans
tell her that i'm so afraid
but what's to come
am i too young
i'm feeling more alone
with each new day
and i hear her say
she admires the diffidence
could she be
what i need
of all the chances i've given up
it's black and white
with gray and striped
it's unforgiving

and now i know it

beginning to believe

2007-11-12T16:23:00.000-06:00

these slow songs i listen to trying to forget you
remind me of you the second time i hear them
the songs i write about everyone else
remind me that i wasn't writing about you
everything leads back to you eventually
when you're obsessed with something
you see it everywhere because you're looking for it
happy endings make me wonder where you are
and tradegies help me feel so much more
you still keep me awake at night, thinking
how you would feel if you read every word
you are so perfect when i dream about you
i never want to wake up, you have me still
i don't miss you, but i'll always love you
and somethings i hope you'll never hear

beautifully say good-bye

2007-11-12T16:17:00.000-06:00

sadly i know those eyes they always look so cold,
but i don't know you, not like i do tonight,
can we make this night last forever,
i just don't want to lose the light,
but there are times when we must share the ones we love,
with the things that are greater than both of us,

i've been here so long i hardly notice a change,
if i walk away i'll feel the way that things start to age,
when i walk away you pull me close,
if i kiss you good-bye you won't let go,
so beautifully say good-night and i'll sing to you in your dreams,
and i want you to kiss me hard because tomorrow i'll be gone,

you say i'm afraid but you are the lonely one,
its been so quiet here but you are the only one,

it’s funny how strange we can seem to ourselves,
beginning to believe as we end for the first time,
telling each other we want what’s best,
but what i really want is you,
i could let this truly start to get to me,
how much i still want you,

i’ve been wondering when this moment would come,
i tell myself a second chance will walk my way,
as i walk away i smile and wait for it,
kiss me like you mean it, i know you mean it,
and beautifully say good-night and i'll sing to you in your dreams,
and i want you to kiss me hard because tomorrow i'll be gone,

you say i'm afraid now like i'm the only one,
it's been so quiet here but you're the lonely one

absolution

2007-11-12T16:12:00.000-06:00

she's waiting for the worst to happen
sitting on that beautiful mistake
everything looks different, but it feels the same
helping him learn the lessons she couldn't
of knowing how to live after love has died
he gives her absolution
the mistake wasn't hers to make
but his love will outlast them both
because immortality is inside us all
like sunflowers and nightingales
will always bring him back to her
she's standing in the sunlight
with darkness all around her
wooden floors and crimson stained
he knows that he can love
long after life is gone
he's not just a man anymore

a mused by april

2007-11-12T16:11:00.001-06:00

believe me its beautiful
we can leave it the way it is
the words i still don't hear
the ideas we need not fear
when it is finally over
the way we dreamt it would end
its hard to believe its real
but "it" is just the way we feel
a discription just won't do
inside we can tell where we are
and after time has disolved
we can pretend after all
as beautiful as it could be
a kiss under clouds of chivalry
and this slumber crowded plea
was it "we", or "we" without me

your summer

2007-09-10T14:00:00.000-05:00

just follow my eyes
isn't it beautiful
the things we don't remember
ever seeing or touching
knowing we've ruined everything
we've ever given each other
and we still can't get away
i could give you last summer
the beach, the waves, the shore
the hours spent on the hotel floor
the way you crawled around me
the way we laid in bed
i don't feel so tall
while you're lying next to me
you told me i could be
the biggest little mistake
i never wanted to be your secret
i only wanted you
to be your beach, your waves, your shore
your hours spent on the hotel floor
i wanted to be your summer once more

victims

2007-09-10T13:59:00.000-05:00

i knew this was going to hurt
the pain i was ready to handle
just not the length it would be here
you'll never know all the words i use
to describe you and us
you're too afraid to face me
an attempt to make yourself the victim
and everyone feels sorry for you
no one will ever hear your name again
not from these lips you've kissed
this is my attempt to keep myself
from becoming your victim
people will know that i'd been in love
once before in my life
and that i've learned my lesson
but they'll never know it was you
the unknown legend in my life
now the forgotten love i'll keep
forever hidden inside me
but never again behind my screams
no more sleepless nights chasing you
from my deepest thoughts to my dreams

to the things we've broken

2007-09-10T13:58:00.000-05:00

here's to the things we've broken
to the things that have gotten us here
to the reasons we say say 'i love you'
and to everything we no longer fear

here's to the magic and coincidences
to the serendipity that we've revealed
to the impulses that we start to crave
and to all the dancing in the fields

here's to the times we've spent coming together
to the nights and to the mornings afterward
to everything we begun to share already
and for everything thats left to be adored

the ghosts will keep us

2007-09-10T13:57:00.000-05:00

i’m sorry i’ve moved beyond trembling
you want me to know what you’re doing
i never asked to be kept informed
are you asking me to change the way i feel?
you were forgiven when i left you
so i’m not leaving my doors open to you
you don’t deserve the things i want to tell you
there’s just not enough time to give you all of me
not in this state anyway and not tonight
the ghosts will keep you out where you belong
i watched you secretly fall apart
you were quite perfect when no one’s around
i couldn’t wait for you to fix yourself
don’t look for me when you wake up
some disasters never would’ve been avoided
that September will remain an inevitable ending
of never knowing your kiss existed
i always knew everything past may was a waste
who needs autumn anyway?
it always reminds me of you
the beginning of so much discomfort
the end of my favorite freedom
who needs autumn anyway?

songs for the morning after

2007-09-10T13:24:00.000-05:00

you've woken up to this
your hand is on my chest
and i love you under covers
while you're looking up at me
listening to me sing
waiting to hear the words i love you
moaning to what i say
lets not forget today
i love this moment that you're in
wrapped up in my sheets
and smiling while i sing
these songs for the morning after
when your hands touch my face
it puts me in a place
i'm still trying to hold on to
you whisper with those eyes
everything but goodbyes
i love you is all i can think of
your hair swings as you breathe
when you laugh you start to squeeze
you close your eyes when you kiss
wrapped up in my sheets
and smiling while i sing
these songs for the morning after

purity and trust

2007-09-10T13:23:00.000-05:00

i think you’re perfect but you can’t feel this anymore
i’ve watched you fake so many dreams of mine
two hours and all the awareness will be over
you never have to worry about a random interaction
but i miss the sound of shattered glass and pride
still no one stands a chance, what a standard you’ve become!
i’m waiting for you to fall back to second best
it’s hard to believe it’s still you i’m drowning these days
yes i still love you and i want that to change so badly
everyone knows my mistakes, the ropes i hang from
i never imagined you would personify these regrets
but here we are falling in love with our ghosts and demons
over and over again - you keep me alone, like you wanted it
right there with the vanity of purity and trust
that are engraved with your initials forever, but you can have them
along with the love, jealousy and forgiveness
that i can’t seem to tear away from my memories
i don’t think i’ll ever be this close to you again

make you mine

2007-09-10T13:18:00.000-05:00

meet me at bailey's after midnight
i know when you're ready to go
talk me up and fill me out
we could scream over this music, but i don't know how
can you keep it to yourself
the less we know the more we're free
you can have me on my hands and knees

you've been waiting such a long time
to dance around these problems
i feel like i'm about to die
the things i don't tell you are to make you mine
your dreams keep me sleeping
i could always be that imaginary friend
i want to taste you in the palm of your hand

i seem to forget all the ways back home
but i do remember seeing you smile
hiding in some glass cases
i close my eyes and see all your different faces
can i come over and get one
it's always gets so hard to tell you no
but my hallways show which way to go

lovers

2007-09-10T13:17:00.000-05:00

i thought about you today
i’ve done some things for you that i don’t know if you’ll get to see
i know i want to see the remains replaced
the parts that i’ve been protecting
they’re out of shape and out of touch
they aren’t gone, not yet anyway
i can hold on longer if you’d ask me
you were the best thing that i tried to believe in
trust me it’s still there
look for a while and let me know
i believe you couldn’t let it go
you’re still falling away
while i’m falling down
i’ll wait for you to get here
one day you’ll miss me
and you know where i’ll be
where they keep dead poets and lovers
and everything that’s waiting to be discovered

jasmine or lavender

2007-09-10T13:16:00.000-05:00

this burning feeling for a breath
i just can't inhale deep enough
i want this, i need this
but not another new life
the glowing and buzzing behind you
something like a lilly comes to mind
jasmine or a lavender, some scent of heather
it almost chokes me, and i smile
touching my ear, my lips, my cheek
a distinguished sign of severed nerves
feeling my hands, my wrists, my arms
courage found a place to hide
and it's beating me today
forcing closure never works
this month i'm going to have to fake it
i can't just drop this
and forget you, but i'll try
you won't be the last to love me
i refuse to be the first for you

immune to my sympathy

2007-09-10T13:15:00.001-05:00

i put you up there
up above everyone else
so how can i ask you to come down
back down here with the rest of us
just so i can hear you whispering
close enough to make out
everything you say to me
but you're so tainted now
just one reason for me
to not go back there again
i never felt you coming
but i always felt you leave
wounds so deep inside me
they will never recede
scars i'll never let you see
the ones that i still let bleed
because the more pain i'm in
the further away from me you'll be
but the pain doesn't hurt anymore
i've grown immune to my sympathy
and finding myself intertested in
hating you because you were with me

hey unfaithful

2007-09-10T13:08:00.000-05:00

it's heavy, another tuesday night
are you finger painting without me?
can i hold you to that?
because you lied to me once, and
lied again, like what lies beside the
signs we hide
and now you're drowning
but the angels can't find you

hey unfaithful,
i will teach you to be stronger
hey ungraceful,
i will teach you to forgive one another
hey unloving, i will love
yes, i will love
now the angels,
welcome me
home
am i ready to go
home
now the angels
will welcome me
home

good bye again, i've let go
and lost my grip
reality washes away any hope
i'm nothing without it
we always turn into someone else
to put the past behind
i've been forced to change
and i blame you for my death

ferris wheels

2007-09-10T13:04:00.000-05:00

no one ever calls on the weekends
makes me think about the holidays
when i went by a different name
and carnival lights made me smile
we wasted so many hours together
the ferris wheel and the spinners
rigged games and stuffed prizes
i had hoped to finally find closure
but we were never really there
i'm standing alone on my roof
screaming up into our morning sky
until i can't hear my voice anymore,
which reminds me of these memories
the ones of you that i can't find
the morning comes to find me
even if the nights are still there
now i'm running around in circles
again the spinners and ferris wheels
still looking for my own closure
even if we were never really there

denial

2007-09-10T13:02:00.000-05:00

i keep finding you around me
a book, a briefcase, a pocket
hearing "i'll never hurt you"
and some how irony sets in
how much of you can i take
you ask me to stay here for you
"i'll always love you" with a smile
but i haven't seen you in months
why should i stay after you're gone
deception of love you left behind
illusion on paper
phrases without meaning
i hate the word love by your hand
you write it like you care
but you smile like you don't
you ask me to love you
and i hope that i won't

come back to me

2007-09-10T12:59:00.000-05:00

september 5th, it's 4:30
the time is glowing in the dark
in four days, i'll see chicago
but while i'm there i will be lost
i miss your eyes, where'd you hide them
audrey please help me find this out

i'm not chasing you, so come back to me
such a pretty face, but i'm not sorry
autumn is for lovers, october's coming
please don't make me wait, and come back to me

mid september, still in florida
the road has led me hear again
saw that girl, from ashtabula
her smile made me think of you
you said good bye, haven't called me
so audrey where'd you end up now

i'm not chasing you, so come back to me
such a pretty face, but i'm not sorry
autumn is for lovers, october's coming
please don't make me wait, and come back to me

it's halloween, i'm a pirate
someone's sleeping on the couch
it's 2 am, it's november
i've made mistakes that i regret
her name's renee, some kind of bunny
tonight i'm taking nothing back

i'm not chasing you, don't come back to me
such a different place, but i'm not sorry
autumn is for lovers, now winter's coming
please don't make me wait, don't come back to me

closer to life

2007-09-10T12:56:00.002-05:00

i'm holding on tight
prepared for something colorful to happen
even if it brings me closer to death again
i have no fear since you've become all that i have
so you gave me a chance to hold on
because I'm starting to believe, oh I'm starting to believe
a feeling that's hard to argue against
and a reason to stand here with my eyes open
watching to see if holding on means you will come back
i could always smile and act like you didn't mean it
i could always be dramatic and willing to live on hope
but you always said "hope drives us insane, if that's all we have"
and i'm starting to believe it, and i'm starting to believe it
yes, i'm still holding on tight
because something might happen
i want to battle sanity over you being here with me
even if it brings me closer to life again
with you here to remind me of who i am again
would you lie with me, tell me you'll be back soon too
because i'm starting to believe, oh i'm starting to believe
that you are so much closer than you seem to be
when i shut my eyes and think i'm someone
who could hold on longer, who can scream so much louder
into empty spaces that i know you've never been
i want to leave something there, a piece of my soul
you took part of it so it may bring you back if it knows where to go
and i'm starting to believe it, i'm starting to believe

alone

2007-09-10T12:56:00.001-05:00

and it seems like so long since i closed my eyes
can you let go of me
or will you hold on to what you have stolen from me
it's not the same anymore
cause i know
you were the last of the best of me
asphyxiated by passion and plagued by uncertainty
lets just give this one more night
we can try one more time
the night is too cold to keep spending it alone

a couple of drinks to remind me

2007-09-10T12:53:00.000-05:00

i wonder where I’ll be in the middle of July
can I rewrite history, can I make it all make sense
a simple choice to give yourself the safety you need
when everything else you said keeps running through my head
i watched this take the course I knew it would
still surprised when you let me go in the end
i thought I would see it come through another way
i just hate it when it feels like nothing
after it’s completely over
and all I get is a couple of drinks to remind me
but I have a feeling I’ll never throw like this again
and it’s all because of you
so many opportunities to learn to suppress it
lets cop out to it being because it’s who we are
and then it’ll work out just fine
but who thinks about the future
when there is so much more that’s behind you
i guess that’s what makes it so hard to move on
you won’t be one I can’t get over
after all it was only a couple of weeks
but thanks for bringing back the memories
it feels just like coming back home
when I’ve tried to stay away for so long